How's Your Day Going?

I'm writing a post about building and maintaining your own web directory on my Word Grrls blog. I started my own web directory, which I had been wanting to do for ages. Took me quite awhile to find software that I could get to work myself. I am still not 100% with it but it is up there and I have begun adding my sites to it. 

I still haven't met the guy from Toronto. But we still talk online about once a month. I think I am feeling discouraged about it but not quite giving up. I had considered going downtown to Toronto myself this month but after paying the bills I don't really have enough left that I could afford the travel fare for the local bus (TTC) and the GO bus from here to Newmarket and then Toronto. It would be about $20 each way. Then more for a lunch, or at least a coffee or two. I'd be too poor for groceries the rest of this month. 

My nephew, Zack, and I went to see a movie last week. It was one Zack wanted to see and I had seen the commercial and thought it would be fun. It wasn't what I had expected at all, very violent. Shocked me and I considered walking out and getting my ticket refunded so I could see something else. But, Zack had wanted to see it and knew it was going to be... what it was. At least I guess he did. He's 14, an age when they want to see stuff like that. I'm 45, an age when I'd rather think better of the world and it's peoples. 

I'm having a bleh day today. Lacking in ambition and I'm cold. I just turned the heat on in the house. I have it set at 20 C. I don't know what most people keep their heat set at but 20 is what I got used to over the winter. It was down to 18 C. I wouldn't think 2 degrees would really make such a difference in how it feels. 

A Quiet Afterwards Kind of Day

Garbage is getting picked up today. I didn't think it would so I didn't put it out. Not that I have a lot anyway. For Christmas I wasn't home so all that wrapping isn't in my recycling bins.

The best Christmas present I got were new warm socks. The kind that have rubber nubbins at the bottom so you can walk around the house with warm feet that don't slip on the floors. A good thing here with all the hardwood. I also had two boxes of chocolates which I ate while being lazy playing computer games.

My brother may be over later today. I could get a lift to the grocery store to pick up some more milk. I'm almost out of it. But, I need to go out tomorrow anyway so I can always grab some then.

Not much else going on today.

Automatic Scans and Updates Really SUCK!

Shampoo build up sucks. It makes me feel grungy even though I just had a shower and shampoo last night. I will have to find a different shampoo. I used to get a lovely citrus one for occasions such as this. I haven't seen that one for years though. I miss the great smell of it.

I am tired but have a lot to get done. My computer, however, has decided now is a great time to do some fricking scan or update on something. Last time it did this (when I actually let it run on) I was waiting over an hour. Why do they think this is a good idea? Don't they understand that when I turn on the computer it is for the purpose of doing something with it. Something other than sitting here yelling at it about sucking and being sucking slow.

Urrrrggghhhh!

Oh Goodie Goodie

It's very unfair. We have those tiny tomatoes growing in the garden, they are just now all ripening up and are so juicy and warm from the sun, like biting into summer (only the good edible parts). But, each time I have a few of those tomatoes I feel sick, like I'm getting a the flu, that night and the next day. It is very unfair. I love those little tomatoes. I ate almost a dozen of their little red, orange and yellow bodies this afternoon and now I feel yucky, shivery and cold. Bleh. I still don't think I can give up eating the tomatoes. Let them punish me for it.

Tomorrow I am babysitting again. Did I mention that my sister is due to pop out another baby in November/ December. As much as I like seeing the kids, especially Zack who started high school this year, I am tired of babysitting. Mostly, I am tired of her house. It is a dump and they seem to not even notice it. When I came over last week she told the girls to clean up cause I was there. She had been home all day but didn't think to clean up because that is what people should do! No, it's only because I'm queen bitch who will throw away all their toys and stuff. Get real. I told one of the girls that instead of bringing a garbage bag for all their stuff I wish I just had a blow torch instead. Would be much easier to clear a path through all the crap at the front door that way. I really am that fed up with it all. People who can't train their children to be something more than feral animals should not be having another baby.

I know she has businesses to run. I know she sees herself as a business woman/ career goal minded. But, then, logically you don't have four children set lose to fend for themselves. Know yourself. If you aren't Mother material don't keep popping them out thinking other people will do the job for you.

I do like the children, I'm not completely evil. Just annoyed, mostly just annoyed. I know when I am there tomorrow the floor of the entryway will be covered in coats, boots, books, games, assorted clothing, toys and other mindless debris. Plus the fish dying quietly in the fishtank placed right at the door for some odd reason. Then the kitchen, dishes and food left out all over the counters. The table will be coated in crayons, papers and assorted other remnants of the feral animals who live and eat there.

I'm sick of being the one who has to bitch those kids around into cleaning up after themselves. I don't even see the point of doing so any more. Each week it is the same. They do not change, they do not learn and they certainly have proven that they do not care. I'm fed up with caring, with being told I'm a bully and being made to feel that is true. I really could cheerfully set fire to the lot of it. Just as the sleeve of my sweater caught fire for a second tonight when I moved the broccoli off the jet on the oven. (I blew it out and there is only a scorch mark on my sweater which was already one of my rag bag sweaters just for wearing around the house when I work, not a great loss).

Anyway, I can at least look forward to taking Zack out shopping for some school supplies tomorrow. Odd you may think that school has been started a few weeks ago and wouldn't his parents have already checked that he has what he needs. Why, no. My Mother and I bought him most of his school clothes for starting high school. My other sister, the redhead took him shopping downtown and bought some expensive jeans and a shirt. His parents attended the meeting at the school for parents and gave him the money he needed for a student card which the school asked for. That's about it. I know she loves her children, she just seems to be attending the school of Don't Bother. The same school my Father attended all my life and likely his own.

Has this been enough of a bitchy whine? I could go on. I'm kind of tired though and I have to get up early to babysit. Goodie goodie.

Measuring the Broken Bits

From all the many things my Dad used to say about me I ended up believing I am broken in some way. I've wondered what it was that is so wrong with me that causes me to have so many problems and become all the things he accused me of being long before I was even in high school. I'm going to be 45 this December. So it has been a long time since those days. My Dad died a few years ago even.

It was only yesterday that I finally did wonder if I ever really was broken at all. I've felt there was something elementally wrong with me for so long. Never understanding what it was or how I could do anything to fix it. I've looked for answers. I thought it must be my problem and did not want to talk about it.

I've given up on so many things cause I believed once something went wrong that it was just my damage catching up again. I never believed in myself to really give myself a chance to succeed. Being broken I was doomed to fail somewhere along the way. I did keep trying things though. But, it wouldn't be long before I would know I had done as much as a broken person like myself could ever manage.

Dad said a lot of things to me about who I am, what I look like and what I could expect to become. He told me I was fat and ugly and scarred when I was not even chubby and just a child with a little exema. I've seen photos of myself and I know I was none of those things then, I was pretty but I just couldn't see that when I had him insisting I was hideous.

Dad told me no one would ever want me. So, I was happy when I married Todd, my friend. Then, I went into kind of shock when we divorced and yet, I could only watch from the sidelines too as Dad was proven right again. Trying to date never worked out for me. I can see now that I probably put people off because I felt so down on myself, so unworthy of anyone and so unsure about even trying to find someone when I was broken anyway.

All those years of believing I was broken. I still have not shaken it off but I'm peeling off the edges, like a sticker on a tomato. The tomato is so much more than the sticker but who would want to find a sticker on the tomato in their salad.

I still don't really know where to go from here, with this new idea. Not even strong enough to label it knowlege yet. I have not told anyone. Just wanted to take some time to clear it through my own brain and write it here. To think it over a bit more as I type.

So much wasted time. Here I am nearing 45 and I really wanted to have a family of my own and children. Mostly the children and yet the person to spend your adult life with (if you can find someone you want to be with) is invaluable. I am not likely to have that now. Women my size and age are not in high demand and I'm still that damaged person,who needs to stop feeling unworthy and different in a not great way. I went through 2 decades of my life barely speaking to anyone. It left me quiet (which you would not know if you have only met me online).

Anyway, putting this here like a time capsule. A blog, if you keep it long enough, is a great way to measure your life.

Would you Like a Cheshire Cat/ Dragon?

Well, once again we've come to the time to blab.

Tonight my brain is tired. My best thought is that the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland is like a cross between a cat and a dragon. I think the Cheshire Cat would be my best choice as a pet, other than a goldfish swimming outdoors in a pond. You just can't go wrong with either of those. They don't really need anything from you/ me in this case. With the Cheshire Cat however, you have the added bonus of a creature that lives to cause trouble and be generally irritating in a good, even helpful way. You just can't find any other pet that enjoys tormenting you. Try to beat that with some drooling, slobbery dog that wants you to pick up it's poop.

I am tempted to play Maple Story now. Zack and I were playing it often this week while he was here. But, my brain really does think it should sleep. Silly brain.

Startch on Black Clothing is Not a Good Thing

I know I shouldn't be wearing black today but it's what I pulled out from the pile of clothes I should have put away from the laundry this week. I'm about to begin peeling potatoes. If you have done that a few times you know how that statch runs out and gets all over your hands and your shirt, even if you try to be tidy and not wipe your hands on yourself. But, thankfully, we have the washing machine, here and working even now. I try not to take things for granted but when you don't have something for several months you remember all over again how much you shouldn't take it for granted.

We are still landscaping. This weekend we are also making dinner for a family get together on Sunday, tomorrow. I don't mind the cooking and the work, too much. But I do get kind of fed up with being pushed around and having most of my input vetoed, often before I have even finished or hardly begun speaking. Mothers! It must just be a thing with them, a part of never really letting go.

It is funny cause I can still remember years ago (decades of years) when I was in my teens and she began to talk to me as an adult versus a kid. I was so honoured and so self important and felt like I really was a someone. Oh how we have regressed... !

Living with your Mother still has a feeling of not being a good thing. Even if it does help us both out. I do miss having my own place, my own space where things are not randomly and casually moved around. I like finding my toothbrush each morning for instance. That's another thing you should not take for granted. Sometimes I feel the only way to really keep track of anything is to hoard it all in my bedroom. But it is getting pretty packed in here and I feel trapped with stuff surrounding me. Urrgh.

At least I still have the little things. My nice smelling shampoos which she doesn't use much, though I leave them out cause I don't mind if she does. I usually get that tacky shampoo head from using the same shampoo all the time by the time I am halfway through the bottle of shampoo so I'm fine with sharing it. Just lets me have the excuse to buy more, more often.

I have my books too. Though everyone acts like I've got a disease when I mention getting a new one. I don't keep the ones I have read, the fiction ones at least. But, even I admit the pile of nonfiction books is pretty huge and I haven't read most of them. I do seem to collect them like dust bunnies.

Well, enough babbling. I have to get to potatoes for that potato salad. Party on.

Hair Tan Lines and Other Useless Stuff

My hair has a tan line. Like an expiration or best before date where the dye stops and the old colour (my natural colour) begins. I love my natural colour, I'm not too fond of those insolent grey hairs that started coming in along with my natural colour.

People tend to say I look a lot younger than I am. I feel my age in some ways. But, really, what is your age? It's just a number. A number of years. I don't feel 80 yet and I don't feel 20 still. So, somewhere in there, is where I am.

I've given up TV for now at least. It is all just a fuzzy mess if I forget and switch it on. I've gone without TV for a few years before. The only thing I missed were The Gilmore Girls but I caught up a lot in re-runs the past year or so. These day I like Being Erica. CBC runs it on the web, so I don't have to miss anything. I just open up their site each week and watch it, commercial free even.

I was wondering if going back to dial up Internet would really be all that noticeably slow. My high speed isn't fast. Firefox hangs frequently. But, then I remembered that it isn't the websites and blogs we wait to load, it's the frugging ads! If you wonder why it costs so much for Internet, now you know. The ads take more time to load than the text or image content on the page. In nearly every case. Web designs work to keep page load time quick and simple. Ad companies don't give a flying squirrel how long you sit there and wait for everything to load. Bastards!

I want a web browser that I can censor out some of the worst offenders. Like the old pop up window blocker. Now we need one to block out ad domains like doubleclick.net/ com. That one fouled up my browser this morning. I had to restart the whole computer. I had just reformatted the whole PC last night so it began with a clean drive, no junk and no cookies and nothing else that could have caused a jam up.

That is about all I am going to blab right now. I still have to take out the garbage tonight. I'm still stalling cause it is cold. :(

Sometimes you Keep your Spirits up with a Sharp Pointy Stick

I'm hoping tomorrow will bring the start of better things. Though I shouldn't become pessimistic and not enjoy the good things just because I feel down about the un-good things.

Most of this week I will be at my sister's house in Newmarket. Mainly because she and her daughters are away visiting our Mother in Florida for the week and I didn't like to leave my nephew, Zack, alone so much time. His Dad is here and I know would do his best. But, they now have two businesses to run and there isn't any way he could handle all that by himself for a week and keep Zack company. So here I am. I'm also down to a few last dollars and they are turning the power off on the house for the neverending story of renovations. I hope all the fish and such which I have in the freezer will be ok. I bought it when the oven/ stove was still functional. Who would expect they could break that? It was brand new. Anyway, I'm tired of problems and not having an oven or laundry washing or money.

I'm reading a new book from the second hand store. It's by Gena Showalter. About people running a business to catch cheating husbands and wives. Basically they have staff who dress up like easy pickings and send them out to tempt the cheating spouses. I think it's a bit silly. Most men (and some women) are likely to take up that kind of offer if they actually get a chance. In reality they aren't likely to get a young woman who looks like a porn star unless they have something she wants. But, the women who catch the cheaters are only checking up on them cause the wives or girlfriends have cause to be suspicious. So, most likely, they are screw ups, literally.

I don't understand why married people cheat. I guess too many get married for stupid reasons and then can't be bothered to care about or respect the person they are married to. I only seriously considered sex with someone else while I was married for the short time when I wanted to have kids and the husband decided he didn't. In that case it wasn' t about the sex or finding someone new and exciting or any of that BS. I just really wanted at least one kid of my own. Now, here I am, 44 and single and it's not likely to happen. I'm divorced so I could screw around until I turn up pregnant. But, that's not me. First, I just don't want such casual sex. I'd like him to at least know who I am and have some real care and respect for me as a woman versus a plastic blow up doll. Second, being a single parent just isn't all that appealing. I have seen how important it is for kids to have two parents.

Anyway, that's the chatter for tonight. I am so crazy tired. If I'm not doing something and just sit down I start to fall asleep right away. Maybe it is the stress. If I stop to think I do feel pretty upset. The key is to just not stop and think. Much more fun to daydream instead. It's funny how many times I have caught a Keanu Reeves movie on lately too. Funny in a weird way almost. Don't think I'm being foolish about not thinking about the reality. It's just that thinking about it just to stress yourself out isn't going to be of much help. I think about it when I have something real I can do and plan.

Maybe the cheque will hit my bank tonight or tomorrow and I can start paying the bills. One of them has begun to phone this week. If I can pay off a good chunk of it I won't have to call them back. That would be nice.

What Would Buffy Do?

It's a silly blog title. I'm not even posting about Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Sarah Michelle Geller, not really. I just keep looking at her picture on a book cover as I sit here at my nephew's computer. He has two Buffy books on his desk.

I found this great swirling snowflake background image which I want to save. Thought this was as easy as emailing it to myself. I'm more likely to find it here versus forgetting it in my swamp of email.

I should be home again tomorrow. Almost a week of babysitting. Stretched longer cause they are supposed to be sanding the drywall in the basement and there is a lot of dust. Unless they clean up after themselves there will still be a lot of dust when I am back tomorrow but I guess the idea is that it will have settled by then.

I just want to sleep in my own bed again rather than the couch here. I want my computer too. I wonder if the milk I just bought for coffee will still be any good by the time I get back. All these little things that make a life.

I Don't Want to Type

Some times it is easier to draw a picture than to say any words. Communication is both too written in stone and yet never black and white. I want a different life yet I still want to be me. I'd miss me if I was not me.

Why Are We Still Here?

Those people usually have several planets to pick from. Why do they feel they have to come back to Earth.

Why are we here? If the planet could dump us off I'm sure it would. I've read about how we got here, the whole evolution thing. It may be that you don't agree with that theory but for me it just makes a lot more sense than believing we just showed up one day.

I've had allergies most of the day. Yes, I'm allergic to the planet. I think we really are having some weird love hate relationship. It wants to get rid of me and I don't want to go. To be honest, I like it here. But realistically I just don't have another option. There are only so many planets to choose from.

I like watching science fiction. Those people usually have several planets to pick from. Why do they feel they have to come back to Earth. Don't they know the planet doesn't really want us? I think we are like the guests who stay too long after the party. The planet is a gracious host and only gives us a few kind hints. But, really, haven't we mucked things up enough. Sure we have offered to load the dishwasher now but the whole house needs a huge makeover. The dishwasher is just too little too late.

Bacteria.... The Bastard!

I'm a bit out out commission. My left arm has a little vampire attached, for another 3 days. My left leg, below the knee, has a flesh eating bacteria. If you really must know it's not as bad as it was when it was looking like flesh pudding on Thursday. I went to the hospital on Friday, they put me in isolation for three hours. But I left after I had flesh preserving antibiotics and a new little vampire friend attached to my arm, neatly covered in gauze.

The bacteria that wants to eat me is called cellulitis. Should you want to find out more Wikipedia even has photos. I considered photos myself but decided to just draw it, a couple of times so far. Does anyone really know what bacteria looks like?

I don't know just how I got it. Anyone can. A little wound or small hole in the skin and the bacteria can creep in. If I hadn't been so dead sick on Tuesday and Wednesday I might have gone in to get the creeping flesh pudding on my leg checked out sooner. But, it really just started as a sore leg, then a reddish skin leg which was hot to the touch. Who would think that was anything serious? I didn't.

But, I was pretty much not on the planet until Thursday. That was when I managed to do something other than sleep, shiver and puke. On Thursday the calf of my leg was flaming red (all but oozing) and a lot less than attractive looking. (I'd go into detail but really, flesh pudding like something out of a horror movie, just works so well). But I still wasn't sure about going anywhere to get it looked at. I always think these kind of things will just fix themselves or that I can fix them if I just find the right stuff.

It's not fun to type with an IV vampire hooker thing in my arm. It's weird to feel it move. Though I think/ hope some of that is just the tape attached to my skin around it. Can't see it under the gauze and I'm ok with keeping it covered. Out of sight if not out of mind.

So I'm not doing as much blogging or Entrecarding or whatever it is I do when I'm here. I need to catch up on WordGrrls tomorrow. Also write something for a few other sites and places. At least I caught up my blog! Likely it wasn't the most important thing on my list, but it was the one I most wanted to do.

Typing is over for tonight. Sleep well and be nice to any little vampires you might have yourself. They may not be especially nice but they want to be good.

The Monster in my Eye

New tagline for this blog... "Exploring myself, one rock at a time."

So, how are the rocks in your head today? Mine are clunking around up there. I think I almost was asked out today at work. I've never had a guy actually pursue me. It would be nice. Seems I am usually the one who starts things, arranges get togethers and such. It's not the same as having someone else do the work, the planning and the asking. It would be nice to be pursued. I'm not going to hold my breath. I will hold my breath many years from now, when it won't matter any more as far as having oxygen in my brain. Maybe, it will work, I'll finally get all those things I wasn't going to hold my breath for. That would be an interesting time in my life, if I could live to see it.

Can your eyeballs still function on some level once you are brain dead? There's a new horror movie in the making.

The best ideas for horror come from every day real things. We take so much for granted. Yes, the bus doors will open - the bus driver isn't about to fly off the handle and haul everyone around all day against their will. Yes, the coffee you make that morning is about the same as the coffee you made yesterday morning - there wasn't a stow away venomous spider hiding in the coffee beans. Yes, your eyeballs are still your same old eyeballs - an alien didn't drop down into your room last night and replace them with marbles or some other weird alien eyeballs. Horror and science fiction can just have so many endless spins put on a simple idea.

Day off tomorrow! Ha ha ha!!! *and more mad scientist evile laughter* Can't decide if I should sleep in first or go grocery shopping. Oh, the excitement!...

I did my laundry yesterday so I spoiled that part of my weekend of fun. Too bad. I will just have to get over it.

Next weekend is a pay cheque weekend. I may actually do something that involves wearing laundry (clean) and spending money on something less than practical. I could even go all out and give that guy at work my email address and the mention of going for a Rrrroll up the Rrrrim (coffee at Tim Hortons). See how that happens, the not being pursued thing? Is it because I'm just not patient? Perhaps. I do like to get started once I decide on something.

One last bit of babble.. I think the coffee I bought from Second Cup a couple of weeks ago is NOT french vanilla. It does not taste right at all. I had the caramel first so didn't start what should have been french vanilla until today. I don't like whatever it is I have instead of french vanilla. I think it might be one of those with a nut flavour. Now I have two bags of it, whatever it is. Kind of aggravating when it was not cheap AND the guy at the store made some major goof up and sold me twice the amount of coffee I asked for. I really doubt they would go for letting me return it for real french vanilla now. Look, there's another idea for a horror story. I'm just full of them today. Rocks and monsters, that's what I've got in my head.

More Smiles Needed

We need more smiley sites. There are tons of sites about blogging but only a few really good ones with gadgetry for adding smiles to your blog. I think people take smiles for granted. Just look at that nice new orange smiley thing I added today. Can you really look at that orange and not feel a little better? You'd have to be severely depressed or deceased. Even the depressed would have to be unable to see it to not feel at least a tug of happy.

I will look for more smiley things when I am back from work tonight. Don't want those which have a splog link, I try to watch for those kind of freeloader sites. It's enough that you take a chance giving away your email address just to join any site at all these days.

It bugs me when some sites and forums insist on having your email just to read them at all. I almost never join those. It's asking too much to give away something without even getting a glimpse of what you are getting into.

I often say (only partly as a joke) that it would be really nice/ handy to have a male slave. Just think of how useful a man could really be if he could be useful. (Little woodchuck thing there). Today for instance, a male slave could have been a reason to stay in bed a little longer this morning. I really do like a rainy day. The only thing missing today is having the time off work to enjoy it. A male slave would make himself my chauffeur for the day. Today would be an excellent day to be out taking more photos of abandoned houses. I have several locations I want to get to. Most of them are scattered over Ontario. It is a real week long project. A male slave would be handy to drive around while I navigate and watch for other sites no one has covered, at least no one I know of. Then we could stay in a hotel/ motel over night and do more male slave fun and games.

I've been thinking of something else I can do as a blog reward type of thing. Lots of ideas and yet none have that feeling of being just right. I'm working on it. :)

Sew You Can

It's occurred to me that I haven't had a really good blab in here for awhile. I don't have anything in particular in mind to blab about but, I seldom let that stop me.

I've got most of my old content back up again after the template change to three columns. Somethings I have just left off, they didn't seem to be going anywhere soon or had sunk into their laurels of past glory, sunk too deep to rise again. Things like BlogExplosion which was building up and yet has fallen and can't get up now. Things like MyBlogLog which is so clogged with splogs and fake friends that it didn't earn it's real estate on my sidebar. No doubt I will find new gadgets and interesting junk to fill in any gaps.

I've started to talk to a guy online and am getting to the point of meeting for coffee. He sounds like a person who has some depth, a thinking brain. Always a plus. I like having someone I can really talk to. There are always so many things in my mind but I have learned to keep quiet versus babble everything. Except here, where I pretty much talk to myself. I know people are reading it, I go out of my way to join things like Wordless Wednesday and Thursday Thirteen to get traffic and thus readers. I've concluded that I just like to feel someone is listening to me. Whatever trouble I get in, I'll pay for it later. If I can't work my way out of it I'll just add it to the pile of trouble already hanging around.

Having a pretty good day today actually. I have three out of four pairs of new pants hemmed. I ordered myself Swiss Chalet for lunch. This morning I made a cup of the new coffee I bought from Second Cup yesterday at the mall. I've had a pretty good 'weekend' off work. It was sunny out almost all day today but I didn't check to see how cold it was out there, I didn't have to. People seem to like my flower drawings for the Thursday Thirteen post, that is nice of them. I think my drawing actually is getting better too.

I think I need to do more real writing again. I miss it. Blog posts aren't, generally, real writing. Not for me anyway. I don't have a topic which I have researched and put some thought into. That is what writing should be, it should include some planning. True I have been keeping WordGrrls going with the daily writing prompts but that isn't the same as a short topical article. I did have an article started about rural exploration, so I could get that back in the works. If I could post a short article about something here, not each day, maybe once a week, that would be constructive and good discipline for getting back into some real writing versus blog babbling.

I found my sewing box today. Still can't find those web design books and that is making me crazy. But it is nice to have found the sewing box. I had forgotten I had so much stuff in there. One whole box full of assorted buttons, full to the brim. I am looking up some craft ideas for buttons. No doubt I could make something truly great with so many of them. I had thought I would use them for crazy quilting and maybe I will. The problem with quilting is having to iron the patches in order to have smooth, straight seams.

I finally wrote that letter to the guy I met through work. Maybe I never mentioned him here. He was one of the callers from Florida about cable TV, I'm tech support, remember? Anyway, he started out having a fit about the cable service. I was softly groaning about having to listen to another one of "those" callers. But somehow he toned down, said I was one of the nicest, most polite people he had talked to in trying to deal with the cable company. He was working up to asking me out but I told him I'm in Canada and then he asked if he could be my pen pal. That must have been two weeks ago now.

I wasn't sure about writing. I've got myself stuck in this way before. People in need tend to cling hard to someone nice and then you can't get them peeled off again so easily. I like having my freedom, I'd never deal well with someone clingy. Not that I'm a hard bitch, but I don't want to always have company or someone who needs me, versus someone who wants me. Also, I am giving out my home address to send a note. It is too bad he didn't have Internet and email, that would have been safer correspondence. Anyway, I found a really great card at the mall yesterday and have it ready to mail down there. Another nice grrl thing to do. I scanned the card, it really is a nice one. I talked to him awhile and the only things I really remember are that his wife and kids were killed, he works all the hours he can put in now because of that and he is in the newspaper business - I forget just what he does. I will mail it when I am waiting for the bus to go into work tomorrow.

I've seen two commercials on TV now for male enhancement, that means they must actually be buying such stuff. In a way it seems a pay back for all the body image problems they cause to women. Yet, how can men be so gullible? I guess the same as women have, those who get boob enhancements. Terry Lynn, who has too much focus on her boobs I sometimes think, is going to get a breast reduction. Her back has been sore, she even left work early one day.

I've found a site where I can upload my blog drawings. I still don't feel I can qualify them as cartoons or comics. Among people who actually can draw mine look pretty out of place, to me at least. I'm going to see if I can get them uploaded today. Also, I was invited to add my photos of abandoned houses to a site with abandoned places in Ontario. Quite nice to be asked. I have not got much done there either. So, plenty of projects to keep me busy for the rest of my last day off today. Isn't it a good thing I get another 2 days off next week?

Slimed in the Shower

I get aggravated in the shower. Usually I like the shower, it's a good place to let your mind wander off into nothing in particular.

The problem is the shower curtain, it keeps sliming me. There I am, all nice and warm in the water and then along comes the cold, clingy shower curtain, attaching itself to my flesh. Yuck! I try to nail it down to the sides of the tub with the magnets at the bottom but it escapes. I try to throw it part ways out of the tub but it seems to come back. If it take it out entirely I have a huge mess to clean up on the floor. You only realize how much water you use when you nearly drown in it once you get out of the shower.

By the way, yes, this stick grrl does have full frontal nudity. The first ever nude grrl I've drawn. Don't be shocked, but I don't wear clothes into the shower. In spite of what you may have heard, it is not a good way to avoid doing laundry.

Shop the Excitement

Seems you can't avoid TV channels with shopping ads on today. Each time I find something that isn't an infomerical when it ends they begin another round of shopping for junk to lighten your wallet. Why are they always so happy, cheery and loud? Do these people know they don't need to speak up quite so much? I can hear them even from in the shower with the water running.

I'm leaving early for work so I can enjoy the sunshine today while I wait an endless time for the bus. If you have to wait it may as well be on your own terms. Besides, I need to work on my winter tan.

I'm tired today. One of those days where you drag yourself through. I woke up tired which I don't usually do. Most of the time I am a morning person. I guess I still am, just a frustrated morning person today. I would go back to bed awhile but that seems to be a waste of the daylight now that we are in winter and it starts getting dark about 5:00.

The funny thing about watching an informercial is that by the end of the ad you begin to think it actually does look good. Then they tell you to pay monthly payments of just 9.99 for eight months and you realize just how big a chunk of your pay cheque they are looking for. That cures me, every time.

Just Being Here is the Least I Could Do

Bitterly cold outside today. I am going out to breakfast though. Trying to make myself walk down but when I went out to get the mail (just at the door here) I reversed that decision. It's frigid! I hope it's not like this tomorrow when I have to wait for the bus to get to work. Yuck! That would be a day to take a taxi both ways. Better spend the money than lose fingers and toes waiting for that bus.

Anyway, in other news... the BackWash people are banding together in a group, a Google Group. Funny how that used to be newsgroups. Doesn't have that feel any more. Not much different than any other message board/ email list type of site now. I hope they stick to their plan about keeping all the really old archives though.

BackWash has a new owner and will likely be gone forever soon. I should spend the day copying whatever I don't already have copied. Won't have a second chance. But, I wonder about that content. Will it be recycled by the new owner? What will the domain be used for now? It must have enough clout with Google Rank that it was of interest to buy. Will be interesting to see what becomes of the old site. I guess we get to keep our drawings in the end. I've got mine.

Time is passing along and soon it will be too late for breakfast and I am hungry. Going to take my book and spend the morning out at least. There is a second hand bookstore, pharmacy and grocery store all in the same strip mall where the little breakfast place is. No McDonalds on this end of town.

Unexpected News from a Fortune Cookie

Good cheer will lighten your burdens

I have the good cheer is that why I keep getting burdens? Funny how a fortune cookie just gives you these little tidbits and leaves you hanging for the real answers.

Things are slow in the man-stalking project. I found his postal code but no apartment number. Kind of useless to send a card that way. I was writing out my Xmas cards (just addressing the envelopes so far) and I do still have three blank ones. One could be sent to Mr. Pirate Smile. If I knew his full address. I have two days off work starting now pretty much. I was thinking about taking the bus out to Zellers and seeing if Mr. Pirate Smiley's place is on that part of the street. I could just wander into the lobby and take a look for the mailbox of a certain pirate. I don't think you can get arrested for that. Funny to be concerned when here I am Madame Trespasser when it comes to the abandoned houses.

I know I'm not the only romantic geek woman. But, it does seem silly to create a whole scene in my mind where the pirate smile and the trespasser are making muffins at home on a cold winter's day. It was nice. Fun and he was quite lovely. Not a great baker... but he smiled a lot and that made up for his lack of skill with muffins. Silly, but it was nice. Something to do when you're pretty much stuck at work for 8 hours. Better than thinking about how aggravating it is to be without a car, still.

Also, in spite of what they tell you, I don't see how taking the bus/ taxi route is saving money compare to having a car. I'm spending $20 a day for bus/taxi to get back and forth to work. A tank of gas for the car might be more than that but it would last a lot longer than one day. I could even get to the grocery store, take a road trip and still have enough gas for the week of going back and forth to work. I wish my brother would get the lead out of his tank and let me get on with the car situation. I think I'm going to end up not having a driver's license at all. I have to go back to the teen/ beginner class and do the written test if I can't get the road test done by my birthday. I can't see myself passing that written test. I lucked out taking it in the US the first time. It was pretty simple and even then I didn't pass with flying colours.

Life is frustrating right now and then you start your period. Oh goodie. At least I'm not totally depressed like I was last night. Should have known it was going to start when I was that down. So close to just getting up and leaving at work, last night. Just thinking about the car and license stuff... Payday is Friday. If I can I wonder if I could just buy something myself. Not sure how to do it at all. I'd have less than a thousand but it would be cash. I could do payments with someone other than Graham. After all, last thing he really seemed to say about it was that he would start looking again when the weather cleared up. And... it's WINTER! When does that mean he is going to leave it till, spring thaw??? I will go insane long before then. I'm sure I will quit the job. I have spending so much on getting there and then not being able to do anything. Like being caught in a prison just cause I don't want to spend so much on a taxi or freeze waiting for buses that always take half an hour to come no matter when you get to the bus stop.

I think I should just go for the coffee making now. Thinking about all this will keep me up anyway. Sleep is so over rated. I bet pirate smile is sleeping now...