Funny Valentine is Faulty

The date tonight was a no show. I had a pretty strong feeling he was going to not show up or cancel (preferred option as I didn't really NEED to freeze waiting for the bus to and from). But, I showed up cause I had said I would.

I did think he might come. We had been talking about a mutual interest in the paranormal, local history and the old buildings. But, I was there early and waited until quarter after when I had to leave to catch the bus home. (Didn't really want to spend a half hour waiting for the next one).

On the plus side, I did finish the book I was reading and the coffee I got at the Second Cup was pretty good. Not as good as the caramelo flavour or the latte would have been. I decided to try something else.

Update: It is 3:30 AM and I am at my sister's house, just finishing the last of my laundry. It has gotten way behind with Sears not getting the new machine working for so long. I am happy to feel clean, warm clothes again, especially when they are my own and not the laundry I have done for my sister's family here. Anyway, I did hear from my Friday evening date. He was just late. Actually, must have missed me by the barest minute. I left at quarter after. Poked around, taking a few photos of the lights on main street. Then headed up to catch the bus. He got there about 18 minutes after. My coffee cup was still on the table even. So we will try again.

Funny how the same thing happened last week with a different guy. In that case he started talking about sex, sex, sex and sex and when I didn't have the right answers for him he just forgot I existed. I am sure that is why I decided I was stood up again tonight rather than waiting until tomorrow to be sure. I did check email just before I left Barrie to come out here tonight though. That was about 8:30. So I wasn't too quick to jump to conclusions. Quick enough maybe, on messy, snowy night. But, I didn't blow a gasket at least.

I am so tired now. Just need to flip the last load into the dryer. I really hope the dryer from Sears works and that is not the next thing I need to deal with. I want a break. One day without problems I didn't cause. Really, doesn't is seem fair that you should only have to deal with the stuff you have messed up yourself? Isn't that enough?

Nightie night.

You Won't Be Disappointed

Why is it that when men say "you won't be disappointed" you always are?

As found on Craigslist.

looking for a busty bbw 35 or older - 42
I travel all over the city and all day long i see big busty beautiful woman and it drives me crazy, I want to meet one. If you are a busty bbw and youd like to meet a muscular white guy in his 40's that wants to meet you, say hello. Ive got a great sense of humour and a lot of passion for a very full figured lady.
Your pic gets mine... you wont be disappointed. You will be loved and appreciated.

On impulse I wrote. Cause I am over 35 and I do have a BBW figure. I didn't suggest meeting cause I'm not living very near Toronto any more. He wrote back this morning and asked for a picture, saying he often comes out to Barrie. I sent a photo along with more about myself. I get a reply back (very short) that I am not his type.

Well, I'm disappointed. If I'm over 35, BBW and busty... how am I not his type?

Men are either just that stupid or just that foolish.

Text is Crawling Out of my Keyboard

It's been quite awhile since I really wrote anything. Laziness? Possibly. I do think of things to write. Then something else distracts me. For instance, I am still working on a post for Thursday Thirteen. Kind of sad that is it now Saturday in some places in the world, 11:48 PM here. I'm trying to work on an article about rural exploration, which I actually wrote last year, wrote again a few months ago and have spinning around in my head again this week. I'd be so proud to see not only my article but my photos appear in one of our nationally well known Canadian publications, Canadian Living or Chatelaine. It's a lofty goal perhaps.

I went out on a couple of dates and didn't mention a thing about him. The first date was nice and I had hope for good things to come. I was wrong. He is ok but did not really show an interest in getting to know me. I asked about himself and he really only talked about a few special interests and did not answer about little things (not so little to me) that I wanted to know. Then we had a second date where he had to end it early for work, which was fine as he works on call. But then there was nothing except an email invite for kinky play.

I really want a relationship where I don't feel I'm alone, again. What is the point if you don't have someone you can talk to and know he is listening and actually cares about what you say? Maybe I will just never find anyone at this late stage in the dating game. All of the men I have tried to meet seem to end up in the same boat. None of them want to get to know me. I really want a guy I can spend time with, out of a bedroom. Don't men want that too? Sure I like sex and in past relationships (all two of them) I have lead in that area. But, I want more! I want romance! I want to be courted and have flowers brought when I get picked up. Yes, Eric did that once and that was lovely. But... it ended with me alone, abandoned without explanation. I had to tell him I was giving up on him and then he said something about why he had given up on me.

Anyway, relationships and dating posts are boring. Really. Aren't they all about the same? Do you really expect to find some great long lasting insight among all this space sucking babble? Good luck! I don't have anything figured out. When my life is perfect I'll get back to you with all those omniscient answers.

Tomorrow we are off early (early for me) to Elmvale. The town is a giant street/ garage sale. We are on the hunt for a summer bike for Zack, the 12 year old giant nephew. The boy is taller than I am now. Not right to call him a boy but he still has that boyishness and since he won't ever be in my age generation without the use of a time machine... he is stuck being the boy for awhile more at least.

Of course, I'd like to find another abandoned farm house during the trip.

Sadly, I am pretty much unemployed and having to watch my dollars. I found a $20 I had forgotten in my wallet yesterday so that was kind of sweet.

I do not want to get another job. I am sick of working. I just want to sit here and blog, write, watch brain killing TV (soap opera afternoons) and take road trips. Well, a few other things too but that's about it. I'm sick of customer service type junk. I'm so tired of obeying rules. How did old fashioned women stand taking the marriage vows knowing they were owned and had no rights. Even their children did not belong to them. I think it is strange that women went from primitive (though I think primitive is in doubt if they were bright enough to have a Matriarch) matriarchal societies to being servants in their own homes. How did we allow men to have the upper hand like that?

Doesn't it seem that women really do have a lot of power, in life. In the space of approximately nice months we cart around a new life. In that time we can decide to keep that life or let it go. Drastic yes. But, in some cases a woman should think of her own self preservation and that of the child to be born into the same world she lives in.

Although, I really don't think things between men and women should be about power. Or who is greater, etc. We need each other. In cases where men and women understand that I think the relationship can really flourish. So, here we are back to that dating thing again. Ick!

I should be shutting the computer down. It's been making more noise than it should be. I keep wondering what it is that is running against my wishes or directions. Windows has really evolved into a little monster. You never really know what the MS creature inside your computer is doing. Likely eating sections of my hard drive on a whim.

It is getting hotter tonight. I thought it was decent all day. Warm and muggy outside but I hid in here under the fan all day and it just seemed breezy to me. Now it is after midnight and it seems the heat has leaked into my sanctuary. I'm anti summer when it comes to heat and humidity. I'd rather have a snowstorm, a blizzard would be just peachy too. The only redeeming feature of summer is the greenery and edibles, peaches come to mind right away. I was thinking of peach pie yesterday. Nothing like peach pie made at home.

Well, this should be enough babble for anyone to read. Likely you are all drooling over your keyboards or shaking your head in an effort to keep your eyes from closing. Wake up and get a fresh coffee or get to bed. Nightie night blogging people.

Let the Man Do the Work

I have encountered a new guy. Can't say we have met as we have not met yet. We will be having breakfast/ brunch on Thursday. He is widowed with a 19 year old daughter. He does insurance for refurbished boats. Sounds like someone I could like.

What I have not told my Mother is just how we encountered each other and what other thing I know about him that I probably won't tell her. I will whisper it to you... shh, keep it to yourself. We met on an adult personals site and he likes to be a sissy, frills and all. You may be thinking this is something I can not do, could not be interested in... and yet... I am. Not sure about it 100%. But, I always did say I would marry a guy who could have a maid to do the housework. So, isn't this my way of keeping my promise to myself, in my own weird way.

People don't talk about fetishes and what they like along with sex. I'm not a porn star, nympho type. But, I do know that I am not entirely straight forward. Yet, I don't feel entirely comfortable to write about it. I know my Mom and sisters think cock sucking is dirty, not something they would do. I'm a bit on the fence there. My ex wasn't very clean and that does stick in your mind. But, I do like being in control. I do like being the one sitting with a wicked grin while he sweats and moans.

On the other hand... a man who will perform pedicures, bake cookies and clean the washroom as sexual foreplay isn't all bad. Of course, not all of those at the same time or order.

I used to write adult content for the adult part of backwash.com. I used to write adult stories for a man I liked online. It wasn't icky. How could it be as long as I was in charge. I could almost be a born again virgin if I didn't want to get rid of the title quite so much. Yes, I like sex. When it's done well. To my specifications. Having a little man to boss around could be a good thing.

But, like I wrote, we have yet to actually meet. There's a long way to go from bacon and eggs to letting him fluff my pillows or wash my windows. Still, as nice and pleasant and polite as I am... there is a part of me that just likes being evil, wicked and shocking. How suitable to have someone who wants that rather than someone who will think I'm peculiar and undesirable.

Grrl in Charge

I don't think it's terrible or very adult to be interested in being the woman in charge of the man when it comes to the fun side of a relationship. To say it politely versus talking about more shocking things like BDSM and Dommes and men who want to be submissive.

It's not all about sex. There are things and situations assumed as soon as someone talks about BDSM and Dominance and submission. But, for me it's about being in charge and doing things my own way. If you don't want him drooling over you then you get to make the change. Instead he can wash the dishes and then kneel at your feet until just having him kneeling there starts to be more interesting than annoying.

I don't see everything connected to the D/s fetish being adult and taboo. It's fun. Aren't there things you'd like to do which 'nice girls' just don't do? Wouldn't you like to have a man be the one who feels helpless and unsatisfied for a change. You don't need leather clothes, extraordinary high heels or whips and chains. You can skip the accessories completely and just work with your voice telling him what to do. Force isn't necessary. Both of you want to do this, to have this experience and that is part of the charge and thrill of it.

Keep it all in the bedroom, private and just between the two of you. Take it out a bit, for a little more fun. Torment him just a little more. But, keep it fun for both of you. He needs to know you are in charge and that means you say when you've had enough, just are plain not interested or want him in another room- preferably making himself useful doing some of the household everyday work.

So are you shocked? My little secret is out. I like being the woman in charge of the man, at least in the bedroom.

Impersonals - Free Personals for Good Weird People

Impersonals is free personals for Good Weird people. As awesome pegs in a square world,we Good Weird people need to stick together.

Having a look around and it seems like a nice site. But, I am having trouble adding my tags to the profile. I don't know what the glitch is but it keeps cutting my words out. I am leaving it with "art exploration and writing" for now. But I actually typed in rural exploration, ascii art and writing.

Only two men my age in all of Canada on the site so not much chance of meeting anyone for coffee tomorrow. :)

My Impersonals profile.
3 things I want to do before I die:

I'm planning on not dying. I want see how this whole end of the world thing turns out.

What you should know about me:

If I ever win the lottery I'd spend my days taking road trips and photographing abandoned farm houses. I'd come home to a cosy, small house, somewhere in Ontario. I'd put my time at home into making websites, sewing, cooking, writing and drawing. Until then I'm working as tech support and doing all those other things now and then.

More about what I am looking for:

Friends, though I'm not someone who seems to keep people around a lot. Women friends who would like to get together for coffee and seeing a movie, whatever. Men friends who would get together for the same things and see if it builds into something involving hand holding, cuddling and kinky sex.

Mad Man Stalking is Slow Going

I gave the man a Christmas card, even wrote my email address on the back with the comment "Recycle at will". Just so he didn't feel overly pressured. But, there have been negligible results. Terry says he kind of circled around me yesterday, but I didn't see it. I thought he might have sent an email, that would have been pretty easy. I thought he might have spent some speck of time on the weekend and written a Christmas card for me. But, nothing on Monday when I was in at work. So, I am letting it rest. Not a long and greatly rewarding career as a mad man stalker but no one wants to over do it and be a pest or crazy stalker. It was interesting, a little adventure. He, of course, never made any promises (or any contact) so it is not hard to let go and look ahead for the next adventure.

My Career as a Mad Man-Stalker

Three Facts:

A) There is a guy at work I really like. First it was just his sexy, wicked smile but then I began to notice how nice and calm he is, like pouring water over water. Just something kind of nice. Can't find the right words for it. He also has a wicked smile, like a pirate, did I mention that? (I really don't care what a guy's butt looks like- if I wanted to look at a butt I'd get one of those dogs that walk around with their tail all curled up, that would be plenty of butt for anyone into that sort of thing - I'm not a dog person, luckily). Also, when I began some research into the guy at work he got good reviews. He is a nice guy with a good sense of humour. Though no one else seems to think he looks like anything special. (Their loss, likely all dog people).

B) I am not someone any guy has ever gone crazy for. Plus I'm plus sized, quite a bit... quite a lot.... plus sized. This does not give me a good feeling about the whole attacking first plan of luring in said non-dog, pirate smile, guy.

C) Based on past experience I don't have a flying clue what to do with a guy should I ever actually get one I really do want. Get him and have him actually be in the same town at the same time for an extended period of time. I am limited in man handling experience. I married the only guy I slept with and was a virgin until late in life. I was not a late bloomer, I'm not sure what happened. Or didn't happen. Still isn't happening. I just don't seem to get noticed. I could tattoo something suggestive on my forehead and only other women would notice me and ask me what the heck I was thinking when I did such a lame brain thing. Men would only notice the other women talking to me, not me.

So I have these facts set out for you.

Now, the solution I am working on, in theory.... stalking him.

Yes it's kind of dramatic and risky. Some would say foolish and stupid. But, someone has to try these things from the woman's point of view, why not me? Well, why not?

So, I took the first steps in the potential stalking. I found his last name and came home to look up his address and phone number. I still don't have the full address cause it turns out it is an apartment building and the phone book did not list the apartment number. No doubt I can figure that out. It just has to be in a non-threatening way. You know, there is a thin line between stalking and being a threat or just plain scaring off the guy. If you start calling him prey, for instance, that's a bad sign. A pretty bad sign in fact. Avoid that one.

That is all the progress I have made in the potential stalking to date. I have thoughts about sending an anonymous greeting card to his address, once I find it. Note, you must be careful to keep it anonymous as that is a big part of the whole plan. If he doesn't know who I am he won't be able to gently let down the fat grrl at work. If he doesn't know who I am he can just keep thinking he is really hot stuff... if only he knew which of those babes at work sent him the greeting card. You see how well that works. Anyway, who can resist the hint of mystery, a little puzzle to solve and whet his curiousity while stroking his ego.

Thus ends my first day as an official mad man-stalker. Not a lot of progress made but nothing to concern the police with either. So, not a bad first day, all in all.

The Unknown Anniversary

It's a sad story... but not unusual. Woman meets man, woman never hears from man again. The only twist in this tale is that the woman really did believe the man, every nice, kind and sweet thing he said.

A mystery can be fun to read in a book, keeping you guessing, trying to outsmart the writer. But, in reality a mystery just haunts you forever. It's been a year so far. I can't see it not going on forever, bugging me, making me wonder and doubt everything and every man.

His name was John. I think it really was his real name. He made me fall in love with him. Even though we never met face to face. I'd outgrown a silly Internet infatuation. The curse of the desperate and the lonely. I was past all that. So, it took me a few months to really believe him.

He wrote real letters to me. Not just those awful, ignorant, careless letters most men string together. John wrote in sentences and paragraphs, just like a real human being. He wasn't perfect and he accepted that I wasn't either.

We got to know each other over the months, emailing as life threw a lot at both of us in our individual lives. Yet, even when I suggested I was a curse cause things had gone so badly for him since we began talking, he told me that was untrue and he felt just as strongly that we were good for each other. He intended to meet me and I intended to meet him. Life just kept getting in the way.

I moved, yet again. He was sued by a client and had a lot to deal with, on top of searching for a new job. I was setting up my own business and he told me he was proud of me when even my family could not say something that wasn't backhanded encouragement.

John had a cancer scare and I didn't hear from him for a couple of months. Meanwhile I was job hunting myself at the new address. The business plans were faltering. I wondered how he was doing.

Then I had an email from him. Things were picking up. He had a new computer and was going to send me a very long and detailed email as soon as he set it up.

That was June, last year. I never heard from him again.

It bugs me. I can't stop wondering. Was I a sucker? Did he get hit by a bus? Did he change his mind when some skinnier woman let him get a good screw?

Did any of it even matter?

Why can't I just forget. I've forgotten so many other men over all the years of my so called social life.

I think I can't squish that last tiny bud of hope that says I will hear from him again. Sometime, some day... maybe. The sad thing is that I still want to.

Posted by A. Nonymous. Cause it sure wasn't me. I'm not that sappy and silly.

No Sign of Intelligent Life

I posted to the personals in Craigslist over a month ago. I had a lot of replies, pretty much all NSA stuff. He would have had to dig through a lot of old posts just to find mine. Then, being the intelligent and witty man he is:

john smith-
go back to that photographer and get your money back cause you fucken ugly

Me- Who asked you.

john smith-
ah dont be such a dirty bitch i got what you want the donky dick
ill be ruben around your area tomarrow wana hang with it

However ugly I am, not only can I still spell but I'm still good enough to have sex with animals. Goodie for me. I was so over joyed I just couldn't reply.

I was a Wicked, Evil Temptress

Posting early in the morning is like cheating, packing two days into one. I like it. A bit of cheating can be a good thing. At least I don't feel like I'm a complete hopeless goodie goodie. That would be sickening. This way I can still be friendly, optimistic, honest (but for the odd bit of cheating and lies) and not feel like a dork. Nice grrls get treated like mindless doormats if they let it happen. It seems people think anyone nice is also dense and gullible. I am not foolhardy. I will lie and cheat, just a bit. Just enough to keep myself from being easy. Easily fooled that is.

Even so it is funny when someone realizes I lied. They always look so surprised. Stunned even. It makes me laugh, inside my head where no one can hear. They really do think I'm such a goodie goodie. Fooled them!

People get caught up in the stereotypes they create for other people. I'm nice therefor I'm easily fooled and I can always be trusted. Morons! True, most of the time, at least 99% I am good and honest and all that stuff. It's that extra 1% that keeps me sane. Otherwise how could I live with myself.

Once upon a time in a land pretty much forgotten now with IM's running rampant, there was IRC (Internet Relay Chat) I was a queen of my own realm there. I let my wild grrl out of the closet and I did very bad things. Evil and wicked even. I hung out with other wild women and we were nasty to the pigs... I mean, men on the IRC channels. Oh sure, there were a few we allowed to be friends and not get tormented. Just a few, we didn't go overboard on the being nice or ladylike thing. Of course, I was not really good at being extremely evil. Being a virgin was a hindrance. Not because I never had intimacy but because I didn't know the basic mechanics of the whole thing. So, sometimes I had guidance from the rest of the pack. They didn't mind. Although only two actually knew I was a 30 year old virgin.

It was really interesting play truth or dare on IRC. Men loved to ask raunchy questions and see how they could trip me up. Not that they knew... they just noticed I was a bit less technically plain spoken and because of this I very seldom picked a truth question. I couldn't hardly answer them, could I? Unless they asked about something I could do by myself. That I knew about quite well. That isn't what they usually asked though. So, I picked a dare. They liked that too. Other men must have heard about us, we had quite a following. They really did invent some daring dares. I did most of them. Some were foolish and a fool should be fooled if he is that bloody stupid. Sure I ran outside naked... no sorry I don't own a web cam or any other kind of photo software... what a shame... Poor drooling male.

I miss IRC and my days as a wicked, evil, temptress. I don't miss the men. Hard to miss them when they never left, just changed venues. I think they are all on the free online dating sites now. If they are anywhere else I'm just not seeing them. I don't do the online chat stuff any more. I never did like IM's. I don't want people thinking I'm available 24 hours a day. When I check email I'm available, not before. Still, I wonder about the other women I knew then. Whatever became of Liz from Australia who moved to the US and was battling cancer last time I heard from her. Then there was Vixen who met men and had them all falling in love with her but she never wanted to do anything real with them. She was an online grrl only. Those are the two I most remember of the women. I think of a couple of the men who were friends but I'm sure they moved along. I hope so. There were a lot of lonely people there and that was more than 10 years ago. A long time to feel outside and alone.

Maybe some of this online dating hell is fate snapping back on me after all my wicked ways towards those trolls on IRC. But I don't really think so. The women on the chat were there for romance, mostly all of them wanted to find someone to love them, be there with them eventually. The men however were all leading with their cocks. I never met one who was really sincere about wanting to meet and get to know a woman, other than parts of her: breasts, pussy and etc. That's why we were so mean really. It got to be sickening how shallow and perverted and selfish they all were. Some women needed to help balance things out and torture the piss out of them. We made it a game to see which of us could piss the trolls off the most and the fastest. I did pretty well. Not sure I was the best, but I did have fun laughing where only the other wicked women could see.

I'm putting this out there, like a message in a bottle. Maybe one of those women will see it and remember those days on IRC when I was SheDragon and they were... I'd tell you but that would be cheating. ;)

Backhanded on Craigslist

Last night I gave the personals on Craigslist another try. This morning I had the following in my email inbox.

hi there
just wanted to say i am thinknig you are prob. a pretty cool woman...just a bit of advice....
do u really think any guy would end up being a person who either read all that or even cares....its more like the 50 reasons why yo will never get married....sorry hun just thought u would appreciate it ...
i can spell and who knows maybe you would like being up north in front of a fire after a great dinner and some wine ..then again maybe thats reason 34 why u wanna be alone who knows...
ciao
james

Pretty vicious little backhanded compliment post. It's strange that someone would take the time to post something like that to a complete stranger. It could be a very upsetting post. (In my case it's a bit stupid cause I said in my ad that I was divorced, therefor, "never" getting married doesn't apply to me).

I had also written that I was discouraged with dating. Maybe that made me a bigger, easier target for a guy like this, someone who just wants to hurt people. These kind of people look for the easy targets.

Anyway, if that is the calibre of man out there I'm much happier and better off staying single.

PS- This is my original post to Craigslist. I don't think I was asking all that much, far from 50 things.

Coffee Date in the Beaches

Brunette, blue eyed, 5'4", plus sized woman. To keep it short and simple and upfront. I do not want to meet men who are married or a lot younger than I am. I would like to find a guy to meet for coffee, have a conversation with and make plans for a second get together if we have fun. Please be someone who can have a conversation, have something to talk about, have things you are interested in.

I'm not hard to please. I'd like a guy taller than I am. I work as a writer so really sloppy spelling, punctuation and grammar bug me. General things like good grooming are expected. Although I'm not very dressy myself I love a man in a suit, there's just something about that crisp, clean cut look. Suits are not required but I won't run screaming if you show up in one. Be warned I am not a card carrying member of the lipstick of the month club, I just like being me, naked face and all.

I like urban exploration (looking around abanonded buildings and farm houses, etc.), writing, reading (science fiction, horror and mysteries if they are interesting and not gruesome, and non-fiction). I'm teaching myself web design and cartooning, slowly. I have been known to make my own ASCII art. Someone interested in Paganism would be nice but not essential. (I don't worship the devil or talk to ghosts, it's a nature religion). I enjoy sewing, crochet and quilting, not very often but I do like them. I like art, culture and history too.

This is probably too long now. I've been feeling discouraged about meeting someone but I am an optimistic type of person. I smile often and easily. It would be great to meet a man who has things in common with me but I'm not looking for a male clone of myself. I really enjoy conversation and hearing about new ideas and opinions.

I do have a photo but I'm not adding it here. Too many people look at this as a catalogue and forget the people posting here are real.

I took my post down from the personals. I don't need to set myself up for people who want to be nasty. Let them find a dog to kick, an old lady to push into traffic or whatever it is people like that do when they are away from the easy pickings on Craigslist.

Looking for a Virgin...?

Found on Craigslist:

Are you shy / inexperienced / have low self-esteem? - 27

Looking for a girl that is shy, inexperienced, and has low self-esteem.
I will help you build your confidence, and get experience, one step at a time.
We'll take it step-by-step, at the pace that makes YOU feel comfortable.

At first, we'll just work on making you feel comfortable around a guy (me), and in public. Then once you are ready, we'll move onto building sexual experience. I'll let you explore my body, I'll let you ask me questions, and I'll let you play with me. At first you can stay dressed, and you can see me naked. Then once you'll be fine with it, I'll undress you slowly, so that you will get comfortable with the idea of a guy undressing you. You will probably shake and tremble at first, but then you'll slowly get to love the feeling! I'll kiss your body all over, so that your tensions will ease, and you will start feeling warm and aroused inside. And we will go as far as you are prepared to go!

I'll show you how valuable you really are!
In the end you will be totally confident about yourself, and will have gained enough experience so that you will not be afraid of guys, and what people will think or say about you!

I am looking for one girl only, so please do describe yourself in your response, so that I could pick the one who will benefit the most!!!

If you include a picture, that's even better. However, since you are shy, and you have low self-esteem, you will probably not be comfortable with including your picture.

About me: I'm 27, white, handsome, athletic, understanding, passionate, educated, funny, independent, and intelligent. I'm clean, I maintain a good hygene, I don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do drugs.

You will NOT be disappointed! Making you feel comfortable, and helping you learn appreciate yourself is my goal!

Likely not a good idea to reply to this ad. I lost my virginity with a guy I new a long time and later married. I know that sounds old fashioned, maybe too old fashioned and spinsterly. But, it was a special event in my life, and it is still one of my best memories from the time I had with my exhusband. A girl shouldn't give that away to someone who just wants to hunt cherries. What happens to her once he has popped it? Maybe he just cut and pastes the same ad back on Craigslist and waits for a fish to bite.

BBW and BHM Bloggers Blogroll

I've changed my site around a bit so I can use my Blogroll as a list of sites created by plus sized men and women so they can have some kind of community and meet each other through blogging. It seems to be the easiest way to have a free personals something or other online. I'm not sure how much work it will be for me. I know it will need to be maintained and sites checked now and then. Plus the original listing to make sure it's a genuine site and not some schmuck looking for any female with boobs.

Anyway, anyone who would like to join can send me an email and I will add them to the list. Right now I'm the only one on the list but I hope that will change.

As the Dating Tumbles...

T: Craigslist post:

I'm looking for you.....me 6'3", blue eyed, handsome they say, down to earth, kind, big hearted for the right gal, well read, well travelled, love to cook for two, like to stay active, swim, hike, mountain bike, love to read for knowledge, love to GIVE pleasure....a renaissance man with an edge....

You curvy, curvy, curvy, down to earth, kind, cuddly, older than me preferably, but not necessarily,......

Dinner and a movie?....I'll cook....lets enjoy life together!

ME: *Sent a friendly email letter of introduction, 3 paragraphs in length*

T: HI, I'd lvoe to see a picture of you. i think we could be a match. I'll
send you a picture when I receive yours.

ME: *Sent photo without comment*

T: Thanks Laura good luck in your search *No photo included*

ME: No problem. I had a feeling you were a dork when you didn't send your photo first.

One of the silliest games with online dating/ personals is sending photos. I don't care if I see a photo of someone, they are almost always a let down anyway. No one looks as perfect and charming as you build them up in your mind. So why bother, meet them first, look at them then.

On Craigslist there is a real game with photos. Men post their ad insisting they will only reply if a photo is included. I think they are catalogue shopping, see the above dork. The other thing men do is post a photo with their ad so women will click and read it but the photo they post is not of themselves. I've seen puppies, landscapes and endless assortments of irrelevant photos. It's bait and switch.

Anyway, I have now decided not to read anything that doesn't include a photo. Mainly because any guy who doesn't post a photo along with his ad is going to be a dork, so why bother. If he just wants to play games he can play with himself, they don't need any help with that.

I am getting burnt out on the dating thing, yet again. I don't know what happened with John from Hamilton and (right or wrong) it is beginning to tick me off. I was making progress in forgetting him, some progress. I have yet to delete all the emails exchanged. No hurry though, right? Pathetic but that's how it goes.

The biggest joke is that if I looked the way the men wanted I would actually be stuck with one of them by now. There's a scarey thought. There are good things about being plus sized after all.

The Poop Man Wants Sex

My sister's husband wants more sex. With her. Just adding that to be clear.

But, like so many people he has limited understanding beyond what he wants and needs. I'm sure he feels he is being treated badly and should have all sympathy for his rotten wife who isn't giving him the sex he wants.

But...

The man is a poop, literally.

What woman could work up enthusiasm to have sex with a man who wears his poop all day, creates poop displays on the toilet each morning and has pretty much stopped brushing his teeth. Making you wild with lust?

The only mystery is why men think we would want to have sex with them. Yes, please shove the fingers you've just been scratching your butt with inside my body. I love it when your breath makes me gag. Your farts are so musical and make me just want to get that much closer to you so I can see the poop on your balls. Oh baby!

Right, now I have some Canadian tundra to sell you. Cheap.

It is funny that my sister's husband is taking on the habits of my exhusband. We didn't have kids though. I think my sister is kind of stuck with her poop man. But, she doesn't have to have sex with him.

The really funny thing is that he thinks she is the one who needs to change. She is such a meanie to not have sex with him. Maybe he'll buy her some sexy lingerie so she can look sexy for him. Sure, that'll work.

Haunted Hamilton...

I'm about to send this link to Rainy Pete, on the small chance he hasn't already found it. I've been thinking about John from Hamilton several times over this family holiday weekend. So Hamilton was on my mind here and there.

It's interesting about meeting people online, especially if there is any thought about dating them or getting together face to face even just to have coffee and see who looks goofier. (Pete will look goofier than me, I'm a grrl afterall).

Things were going nicely with John earlier this year, even though we never did meet. I really began to believe. I began to believe several things which I will just leave at that. Anyway, here we are. I last heard from him July 18th when he left off saying he would email me next week, he was missing me and our chats and was still hoping we would meet, in person. Yes, he had some health concern which came up but he seemed to be handling things and I really did feel I could trust him, take him at his word. I have had so many disappointments with men online and offline but I did think John would be different. Hope springs eternally sentimental. But, I've heard nothing at all from him in over two months now.

I have tried to track him down online but no luck. Today I even did something kind of underhanded and tried to crack his email password. I just wanted to know if he is just another guy who never intends to write back or did he somehow become deceased. You can't really find that out about a person you only know online. Kind of an eerie feeling.

Anyway, have you ever felt really connected to someone you only met online and how far would you go if you just stopped hearing from them? Would you not bother or would you feel concerned and want to know what happened to them?

Still Half Silly for the Invisible Man

I still think about John from Hamilton. Why? I'm not sure. It's like he has stuck himself in my mind and won't fall into place with all the other men who have wandered in and out of my life so easily. I feel that I should shake him lose. I think I must be pretty wishy washy to hold onto any thoughts of actually meeting him at this point. Of course, I have no real way of knowing what he thinks at this point. He's become The Invisible Man.

Have you ever met someone (of the sex you are usually attracted to on personal, romantic level) and found they just become more and more like the person you always hoped to find? Sure there were some minor imperfections like a slightly overly serious side. But, he could draw/ paint and write. He was interesting and had a lot of deep thoughts, average thoughts and he was sort of normal. I've learned to appreciate normal in so many ways. He'd gone through rough spots in life and I had some of my own which gave me some understanding of his own. Yet, he had pulled through and become a pretty decent seeming guy. With good manners and that little touch of traditional old fashioned-ness which I really do like. The old fashioned-ness which I thought I'd only ever see as memories of my Grandfather and the odd fakery on TV.

John didn't seem to be the kind of guy who would just disappear and give me the brush off without notice. But, it's been a long time since I heard from him. A lot of things were going on in his life and I understand that. But... it seems unfair to be left on the side of the road, alone again when I thought I had met someone who I could really have liked.

Anyway, I have not closed that door. I just feel a bit like a clingy, dippy female for keeping it partially open. I really do feel like a drip for how often I still think about him. Like I have so little real life of my own that I keep drawing on memories of the emails I had with the Invisible Man.

Imperfectly Haired

What if you had no hair? Not cause you were surviving cancer or had that other disease where your hair falls out or just never grows in. What if you just woke up one morning and all your hair was gone, for no real reason. Just gone. Maybe it becomes invisible or it's all there, on your pillow and among your sheets, just not attached to your head.

Could you cope? Sure, you'd freak out at first. I have no idea what my first thoughts would be. There are so many options.

I'd really miss my hair. I like it. It's shiny with brown and red streaks, like bronze through it. I really like the way it curls too.

On the plus side I wouldn't have grey hair. That would be gone too. Not that it's a great plus, but it is there. A small silver lining.

Of course you could get a wig. But, you'd have that initial wig-getting to get through. It would feel strange to leave the house with a bald head. Even if you wore a hat or scarf over it. Underneath you'd still have that bare skinned head. Even if no one could see it you'd see it yourself, without any mirrors.

It's funny that the latest trend in grooming expects women to have no hair on their body, except their head. Well, no facial hair other than eyelashes and eyebrows. Someone should invent some other hair removal option. The creams and gels aren't good for your skin. The shaving doesn't last long enough and you end up with stubble and skin that's been scraped raw or at least dry. Wax just seems painful, another female torture. They say it takes the hair a long time to grow back and it becomes weaker, thinner each time. It doesn't go away though. Lasers and electrolisis (however you spell it) is just too expensive.

If all your hair was gone, the hair from the top of your head I mean, you'd be the opposite of the fantasy woman, the semi-hairless version. Getting dates would be really tough, at least with the Internet dating men crowd. They don't seem quite into the reality of women, with hair in the wrong places.

I think someone should bring back the Real Women fad. Does anyone else remember that? It came and went like pet rocks. But, I remember. I think about it when I look at the hair that isn't on my head and the other imperfections that are me.

An Evening For Flowers

A grrl should have flowers.

If you're dating or married to someone. What's a great way to get flowers without actually asking for them? I don't think leaving notes and other really obvious methods should count.

I think you could send them to yourself. Likely that's the easiest way of getting flowers, though not the same as having someone think of you and send them to you. Not that all women like flowers. I like flowers with roots, cause you can plant them outside rather than having them die. Still, I have had flowers sent to me a couple of times when it wasn't my Mother. It's really nice!

This should be considered a hint to anyone who is dating or married. Send flowers. Today is a good day for flowers. Or, something else which isn't a home appliance.