I Am Not at Home

I'm not sure what I'm doing. The upstairs tenants have not moved out their stuff. So work on fixing and cleaning up there is not making any progress. Yet, I am 100% sure they do not have any thought to paying another month of rent for April. Just free storage for them. I'd like to bag it up and burn it all. But, you can't do that. People who do wrong are protected by law. It's the poor idiots who have done nothing that are screwed over and over again. Ugh!

I might go back down to the apartment this week for a day or two. It's so messed up right now. Too many things. My brother is away in Vancouver and I told him he should go. Though it is a bad time with the house trying to be ready to be sold, or at least on the market. I had a feeling George and the elephants upstairs (his family) would be jerks. But, I let optimism reign and I encouraged my brother to go even when he said to me (in that way of asking me) that it wasn't a good time to be going away. My brother worries too much about his sisters and his Mother though. He is a good brother but needs to get away. Not that he won't worry and he does have something to worry about. Will it really be a break now when they are making life so difficult for him back here?

Graham asked me to be down there and get George and elephants out of there. But, I can't. I talked to the real estate agent and she said there is nothing to be done. The police won't do anything. We can't do anything but ask them to get the fuck out, in a nice, professional 'can I lick your ass' way. How bloody stupid. You could insure your home for a bundle. Move all your valuables out to another place and torch the house just to get those pests removed. I think that really is the only way to do it.

Anyway, I don't know where I will be living again. I don't know if I really want to put a lot of energy and time into job hunting now. If I actually get a job I'd likely have to leave it. I can't afford the rent in Toronto. Not unless I live under someone's sink or something.

Why do I always end up back in the same place, the same stuff always comes back to get me. It's like it doesn't matter what I do I always end up right back here as the vagabond. No wonder I daydream about winning the lottery. Though I try not to cause it's not getting me anywhere.

Today I am meeting Zack, the nephew, for a Tim Hortons after school. He wants to go to Goodwill and look at books and game CD's. I saw one he was interested in yesterday and mentioned it to him. I will have to put grocery money into the car as gas to keep it from getting too close to empty. That car seems to suddenly lose all gas once the quarter tank shows. More financial planning for me. I'm so sick of it. I want to not worry about having food in the last half of each month. I want to know where I will be living for the rest of my life and not have to move at least once a year.

No doodle today. My scanner is away. I don't even have plain, crisp white paper to doodle on here.