Creeping World Domination

Another old post from the vanished column. I'm posting this so I have something to do while I finish my coffee. I'm finishing my coffee so I can go to bed. I'm going to bed so I won't go downstairs and get a snack. I'm hungry tonight but I don't want to swallow the fly. Do you remember that old kid's song? There was an old lady, who swallowed a fly... I don't know why she swallowed that fly, perhaps she'll die... Poor old woman. She probably ran out of coffee.

Creeping World Domination
Monday August 13, 2001

I don't like bugs or frogs and toads. I can sort of tolerate mice but not rats. Yuck!

I don't begrudge them some space on this Earth but not near me. Don't hop out at me suddenly and make me scream. Don't fly into my face when we are picnicking outdoors. Don't litter the car windows and lights when we're on a trip. Don't bite me or even think of stinging me. Don't crawl on me when I'm swimming in the pool. I don't care if they are trying to save themselves from drowning. Keep out of the pool, blast them.

It doesn't surprise me at all that bugs will be the last to survive. They will be crawling over carrion long after I'm forgotten. They like it, or don't know any better. Either way they are welcome to it, I sure don't want a piece.

Some bugs I will try to save from the pool. Ladybugs eat other bugs, so they get a chance to be rescued. Toads are especially creepy in the pool. Some hide under the ladder and its only when I'm on my fourth lap that I notice one swimming beside me. Ick!! I save toads from the pool only because they and their froggy friends seem to be in short supply. Spiders also get saved. Not only do they eat bugs but their webs are pretty when I manage to avoid walking into them.

I've seen bugs pinned to bristol board in display cupboards at the museum. I felt a twinge of sympathy for them. After all it couldn't have been a very nice way to die. But, it does give me a chance to actually look at them before they scurry away. Some are quite pretty in their own creepy little way. I'm not thinking of just the butterflies. They get far more attention than they are worth.

Still, I don't like bugs. I don't forgive the silverfish I found on my pillow as a kid. I don't forget the cockroaches who tried to take over my kitchen in my first apartment. I still shiver thinking of the rat the girl I used to babysit had as a pet. She let it crawl on her! I had to ask her to keep it locked in its cage while I was there.

Right now there's a moth the size of an elephant lurking behind the door. It flew in when I turned on the computer. Whipping a towel at it didn't discourage it. I know its just waiting for me to turn off the light so it can attack. Damn those bugs!