For those who thought I was headed for a life of lying on my back looking at my toes wiggling in the air... no, not quite.
For those who thought this was a one night stand. No, I think even for a one night stand there is some initial personal regard.
For those who thought it was a good way to pay off the credit card... Yes, it would have been. But, I'm a girl. The double standard is alive and well. I am not saying anyone is wrong, not even myself. But, it is different for a woman to take money for sexual acts.
Men would be congratulated, told what a great money making scheme that was and how the heck did they ever find a woman that desperate. Women would be treated differently. Women would be thought of as cheap, dirty and etc. It's not fair, it's not reasonable but it's reality.
In the end, the real reason I did not arrange an hour of boob feeling up for bucks was because it's not what I really want.
I miss sex, I miss a warm male body beside me but most of all I miss having someone I care about enough to want sex with. To share that closeness and passion and comfort. I honestly don't think I will find someone again. I just don't fit into any acceptable moulds of what men want. Yes, I have great tits and ass but they come with a body that isn't thin or primped or shaved all over. I'm too human for men. Which is so weird to see typed out let alone to type it myself.
I was on some kid's (kid being a guy under 30) where he wrote a very lengthy survey about "Are you the Perfect Woman". I'm very imperfect when it comes to having the right look. Yet, that was all he was looking for. Ironic, he wants a Barbie, a woman made of plastic, hollow inside. That would be all he'd want. No need for a brain, no need for a real body or a heart, spirit or mind of any kind. What matters is the outside.
I could change and become the perfect woman, I have the tits and ass. If I worked on it I could lose enough weight to be a smaller size. I could wear make up, high heels and so on. The problem is that I'm not hollow inside. I will not change that.
So... bite me. I'll be an old, lonely Aunt. But, I will be me.
Bite me. Those guys who want a hollow woman will likely be old lonely Uncles too. The supply of hollow women is limited to Barbie dolls and blow up sex dolls. Go to town boys.
2 comments:
I like you just the way you are..
You're not a bad episode of Oprah. Thanks Skye.
I don't get men at all. I don't meet that many but those I do meet are all gung ho one moment and then can't bother to say hello to me the next.
My ex husband changed his mind about being married, didn't speak to me for five months though we shared the same one bedroom apartment. The only boyfriend I've had ended kind of the same way. Most men see my picture and can't even send an email back afterwards. Then there was the guy who loved me and wanted to move here from Louisana. Then there was the guy who was a great friend but kind of backed away when I wanted to actually meet him.
I think about trying to fit in. But, if I change to fit in I won't really like any of the guys I meet then anyway. If they can't like ME why would I spend time with them, being with them, caring about them, etc. If all they like is how I've changed then they really don't like me and don't know me at all.
So I'm at an impasse. Did you ever read that book "He's Just Not That into You"? I found it at Goodwill, it described every guy I've ever known, or ever had in my life.
Good luck to us both Skye. Congratulations on losing weight. Did you keep it off? I gained a LOT of weight with the divorce. I felt like a bloody cow but life goes on. Then I had no money last winter, I ate tomato soup a lot, no milk. lol I lost at least 40 pounds and I felt better, my clothes were fitting again. Of course, I've put some of it back on again. I want to do that again this winter while I have the house to myself again. I have the soup but I keep making lasgna and buying too many goodies. :)
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