How do trees feel standing out there all winter, barren of leaves? I seem to be the sort of person that gets dumped a lot, by everyone. Some day I will sort it all out. Doesn't really seem to matter though. Get over it, learn to be alone cause life is long and comes to a sudden stop.
I wish I had more things to look forward to in my life. It just seems that one nephew and my Mother are not really enough to counter everything else.
Today I did laundry, actually got out there and went to the laundry mat, spent half of the money I have to wash clothes. Mainly work clothes for that hopeless, horrible job that doesn't pay much of anything any more. I can't even go out for coffee really. Sometimes I do, just cause there should be things in life like going out for coffee. What are you doing with your life if you just work and pay bills? If you can't enjoy something, even something small...
It's so cold tonight here. My hands are like blocks of ice. The MasterPainter has gotten inspired to actually get something painted. He has been working the last three nights on the big bedroom. So I am smelling and sleeping with paint fumes everyday and night. It's giving me a headache. Not quite easy on the asthma either. Funny that he only paints when my brother kindly reminds him. Men only listen to men I guess. Women are just mindless, useless cattle.
I think I am a cash cow at the store. It seems they really are going out of their way to make customers hate us. Not only do we spam them determinely for credit cards but we have to make them wait while we do paperwork for each item that doesn't scan or otherwise come up on the computer. We are not allowed to type in any more bar codes either. Much better for the inventory if we keep customers waiting while the service people hustle around to find another item which will scan, maybe. Anyway, on and on and on. The days just keep going through my life.
Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. I always think of my Grandmother then. It's a shame you can't just get tired of your life and hand it over to someone else. Here Granny, come and finish this for me. What would she do I wonder? If she was not old (not too old anyway) and living in these times of computers and whatever else is so good about these days. I knew her when she was old and had been formed by her life. If she could go back and do things again who would she be? No one gets to find out. It's a shame cause someone else could probably be doing a lot better with this life than I am.
I could save a bit more if I cancel the Internet connection. Now that I'm not writing for SK it really isn't necessary. The phone could go too. I'd be able to afford gas for the car this month if I had known that earlier. Too late for this month. Likely my Mom would worry if she couldn't at least send me an email to tell me how much she misses me and to remind me about watering plants, reminding Peter to paint, reminding me of all the bills and car licence renewals and etc endlessly. Next pay day is the 24th and I might have just enough on that cheque to pay the rent but there will be nothing left for anything else. The joke is that I will not be able to go in to work. The bigger joke is that I won't have a pay cheque if I have no hours at work. The even bigger joke is me. Surely this is all a TV show somewhere and the little aliens are busting the green guts laughing at The Born Loser. But, I'm so good at it.
I thought the best description of a blog was an online scrapbook. I have revised that, it's now a place you can talk to yourself without having to actually listen. Space to rant. I have comments turned off so I don't have to listen to anyone. I changed my email tonight too. Perfect, don't look back, don't ever turn your head and risk falling twice.
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