Copy & Paste

Found this on an abandoned blog:

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his Audience. He Said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!".The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and Applause!!!

A week later, a top manager trained by the Motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke At home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to His wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my Wife!"

The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second Half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.


Moral of the story...
Don't Copy if you can't PASTE

Cure for the Old Guy's Midlife Crisis

After being married for 44 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, “Honey, 44 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old gal. Now, I have a $500,000.00 home, a $45,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen TV, but I’m sleeping with a 65-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”

Now, my wife is a very reasonable woman.

She told me to go out and find a hot 25-year-old gal, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve a mid-life crisis!!

I thought this was perfect. Had to repost it from Freaky Frugalite

Laundry Night in Canada

Why does it take so long to do laundry? There are other things that take a long time but I can at least enjoy something about them. Like taking the bus to get somewhere. It can be kind of bland when you do the same route each day, but there is the hope of the journey being interesting in some way. Tonight on the way home a guy was babbling away on the streetcar. He sounded less than intelligent but at least this time it wasn't me he had latched onto. (I seem to attract crazy people who want to talk to someone). Anyway, one thing he said made me laugh though quietly so he wouldn't notice me and come on over.

First he said about what a great job the streetcar driver was doing. How it was hard work and very complicated. Which is debatable, it's not brain surgery after all. Anyway, then he looks outside and says something like, "Look at all those guys over there, just lying around like they're dead." I thought he was looking at a couple of teenaged boys who were slurping down slushies while they played around with their skateboards, waiting to cross at the lights. But, I was wrong. Cause crazy guy elaborates a minute later. "Oh, they are actually dead." I think you had to be there but "they" were graves in the cemetery which I pass each day on the streetcar a block from where I get off. It was pretty funny in the moment. I did wonder if he was trying to be clever but he had been so anti-clever for so long before that I just can't believe he suddenly grew a really sharp sarcastic wit.

On goes the laundry tonight. I had four loads cause I got ambitious and decided to wash all the sheets first. Even the new ones I had not unpacked yet. But, I decided not to wait for them to dry and used my old red ones (my favourites even though a pillow case got lost when I was still stuck with taking everything to the laundry matt). So I have a fresh bed when ever all that laundry is finally done so I can curl up into my fresh bed with it's soft and comfortable cotton jersey sheets. Mmm.

How to Be a Humour Blog

Don't ask me. I'm just making the banner and sticking it here so I can join the Humour Blog Group. Notice the Canadian spelling, that's just me. They don't spell it the Canadian way. Just in case anyone but me notices these grammarian trivian things.

Lego Yourself

Create your own Lego people on Chris Doyle's Reasonably Clever site.

Rate My Car?

Who needs a Metropass when you have a car with such great fuel economy?

From Emma Jeanne's 2nd Birthday

It looks like she's taking the cake for herself. But her plate was just hidden by the cake. When I saw the picture on review mode I laughed and no one knew why I was laughing.

Happy Birthday to Emma!

For the Easily Amused

Taken outside the Cookstown Foodland grocery store.

Am I Sick or Not?

I'm sick, just a cold I think. But, is it really sick and twisted that this made me laugh? I'm sure they aren't pointing a real gun at that kitten. Actually, the cat would probably be really annoyed if it was a water gun, more than a real gun. You know how they feel about water. It's the best thing you can use in cat training. Any time you want your cat to modify his/ her behaviour just get the garden hose or handy squirt gun. That cat won't be able to move too fast then. Dance kitty!

It's a good thing I don't know anyone seriously into animal rights and all that stuff.

Sudden Money Institute

Sudden Money Institute This is where you go after that big lottery win, when you just don't know what to do with yourself or all that money. What a burden... I'd be willing to help.

Wife Swap

Wife Swap - Application form

I'm single so it doesn't apply. I've seen the show a couple of times and it is VERY interesting. I think it's the best reality TV show they have come up with. Far more real than Survivor and the love ship, etc.

Humour for the Day

Reading through some of those joke emails someone is always sending. This part of a long email about airlines and flights really made me laugh.

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"